Everyone knows that when someone opens up to you, you shouldn’t shoot them down. This is doubly true when meeting fetishists. When a woman you’re hooking up with confesses to her latex fetish you know not to call her a freak. There are still a lot of things that you’re probably saying that you shouldn’t say. So arm yourself with knowledge and avoid these three really common mistakes when it comes to handling the news of your lover’s kinky side.
“That’s Not as Weird as I Thought!”
This is supposed to be a comforting remark. Your woman need not worry, you’re not even that surprised by her fetish. Though you mean well, this isn’t actually the best thing to say to a woman who just confessed something deeply personal to you. What she will hear is that she’s lucky that it’s only this, because there are some things that you consider “that” weird.
The other thing that is does is downplay her feelings. If she was nervous talking to you about her desires, than she needs to feel like her worry was legitimate. Even if you don’t find anything unusual in her desire to be spanked, for example, if you treat it like it’s not a big deal she’s not going to feel like you understand her.
“My Last Girlfriend Had the Same Thing!”
You want to make her feel like she’s not alone. You want her to know that you have experience with this situation, and you’re going to make sure she’s taken care of. There are a lot of good reasons to bring this up to your mind. However, in her world, you’re committing the grievous sin of talking about your ex. This is even worse if you used to be with someone with the same fetish. Even if she has nothing else in common with your ex it wouldn’t be unusual if she wonders if you’re actually looking for women with this kink. Making her feel like she’s an interchangeable cog is just going to damage your sex life.
“That’s Nothing. So-and-so Is Weirder.”
This line basically combines the first two into some libido destroying faux pas. You don’t want to comfort or reassure her by comparing her to others. First of all, that’s cold comfort, and secondly you never know if she has only one fetish. You think you can score brownie points by telling her that nipple clamps are totally fine, it’s not like she wants to use a butt plug. Except that maybe she does, and she was working up to it with a less intense, less “strange” fetish to test the water.
You also don’t want to “kiss and tell” with fetishes. If she knows that you’ll tell the secrets of the last five women you hooked up with she’s going to know that you’ll talk about hers as well. Loose lips sink ships, and leave you out in the cold. So keep mum about specific people and their fetishes, and instead assure her that you’ve dealt with individual needs in the past, and you’re sure you can do it for her as well.
Keep these three phrases out of your mouth, and you’re a whole lot closer to saying the right thing when confronted by an unexpected fetish confession.