Everyone is different and has different kinks and fetishes. It might appear wrong to write an article that generalizes these individualities, and that is absolutely correct. This isn’t about having a surefire recipe that all submissives love. How you and your sub go about during play is completely up to the both of you and how far you both agree to go. This is more about what subs share amongst each other in communities and groups to keep each other safe. A lot of these things are modified dating tips and precautions most women take to protect themselves. This is not to say that you have bad intentions, but there are certain actions that will make your date wary of you no matter what your intention.
It’s absolutely natural for a Dom to take the lead in presence of a sub, and many subs welcome that. Though only to a certain extent. Some will argue that it’s all right if you insist on paying on your first date, other’s say it isn’t. This situation is just one of the more harmless moments that shows that, as long as you haven’t made any negotiations with a sub so far, you are in no position to give commands and expect them to be fulfilled. Some of the more extreme mistakes that are so widespread subs actively warn each other of these situations are commanding her to take off her underwear and giving it to you or insisting on taking her home. While some of these actions are self-explanatory, others may seem like the gentlemanly thing to do to you, but will alarm her. You just want to make sure that she gets home safely, while she doesn’t want you to know exactly where she lives. Don’t play the BDSM needs trust card in these situations. You need to earn her trust, not demand it.
Offering Contracts and Collars
Contracts and collars are held in high regard in the community. A collaring is very much akin to marriage for the Dom and sub. So offering either after a few messages and maybe one or two dates really is like asking her to marry you. It will make you look very desperate and very unprofessional. Just like you need to be sure that she’s serious, she needs the same information from you. Offering a contract early during the getting-to-know-you stage signals that you are either unfamiliar with the meaning of it or don’t care. Both cases will reflect badly on you and reveal your inexperience as a Dom. Even though some subs know that everyone needs to start somewhere, you should have a basic understanding of your kink before you start looking for an appropriate partner. That shows you want more than just to experiment.
Don’t Expect a Doormat
A common misconception among beginner Doms is the assumption that all subs are supposed to say yes to whatever a Dom asks of them. This is why sub communities often preach that their members aren’t doormats. Dominant and submissive relationships of any sort are symbiotic. The common perception that it’s all about the Dom’s pleasure is obviously wrong. A sub is a Dom’s most precious possession, and subs know that. When you talk to and meet with a potential sub, you’re talking to and meeting a human being who wants to be treated accordingly. What you do once you agree to a play, is another thing altogether.