How to Introduce Your Lover to Your Fetish & Increase the Quality of Your Sex Life
Introducing a new partner to your fetish is never the easiest thing in the world, usually emotionally speaking. People get very nervous about this, and for good reason. The rejection of a person’s fetish can feel like a rejection of the person themself, especially in a new relationship. It is far easier to meet someone online who shares your similar preferences, but this can’t always be the case.
Be very careful of a person’s emotions when talking about fetishes.
It goes without saying (or should), but sex and sexuality are very touchy subjects for most people. It’s important to respect a person’s emotions and feelings, whether they’re pure vanilla or whether they have fetishes themselves that they want you to respect.
Be aware that fetish doesn’t mean the same thing to every person. For example, imagine a man whose only experience with fetish is that an ex-girlfriend liked to dress in leather and give him a whipping, and even though he consented, he never really enjoyed himself.
If a new partner were to immediately state, “I’d like you to participate in my fetish,” it might not immediately register with him that they could mean anything from dress-up to foot-licking.
Finding a partner that already has a fetish is easier.
If you meet someone on a fetish dating website, you’re already aware that this is a person who is not used to judging based on the fact that you have a fetish you want to express. This person has their own fetish, which is good for you, since you’ll have something to easily talk about.
However, even other fetishists have kinks that they consider to be “too extreme” for everyday play, or too extreme in comparison to their own fetishes. Make sure you don’t assume that the person you’re with will automatically be fond of kinbaku just because he or she likes being blindfolded.
It’s more difficult with a vanilla partner.
As you may be aware, it’s much more difficult to introduce kinks and fetish play to a partner who considers themselves to be “normal,” what we would call “vanilla,” in their sexuality. With this kind of person, you have to be very careful to show and explain what your fetish means.
Understand what they might fear. Most of what vanilla people have heard of fetishists has come to their awareness from Fox News. They might think the word means that you’re obsessed with Lucha LIbre masks, or that you require your partner to behave and dress in a certain way in order to get off.
If this is true (especially the Lucha Libre part), make sure your partner knows about this early in the relationship. If you are able to function sexually without your fetish, but simply prefer sex with it the way many fetishists do, make sure he or she knows about that as well.
Fetish play makes satisfaction greater.
Many studies show that greater arousal is achieved during fetish play than during vanilla sex, especially among long-term partners. Your partner may not know this, but it is a good point to bring up when trying to convince someone to try something out! This is one of the most important pieces of relationship advice.
Always remember that one of the greatest kinds of pleasure is in bringing pleasure to your partner. If you can do that, whether it’s through embracing their fetish or in bringing your partner into your fetish, you may have a fantastic foundation on your hands for building pleasure in the future. Open communication, trust, and a healthy understanding of what makes a good sexual experience are key to a lasting relationship.